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Books and Me and Crying

December 14, 2017 | Leave a Comment

Earlier this week, I was listening to Michael Ian Black’s podcast, How To Be Amazing. His guest was Pamela Paul, who is the editor of the New York Times Book Review. I was stunned to find out that she’d just written a memoir called My Life with Bob: Flawed Heroine Keeps Book of Books, Plot Ensues. What is this memoir about? The books she’s read through the years and what she was doing at the time she read them? I was like, “What? You can write a memoir about the books you love, as long as you include in a snippet about what you were doing while you were reading these books in another book and call it a memoir?”

I was flabbergasted. Unlike Ms. Paul, though, I have not kept a diary of what I was doing at the time I read every book I ever laid my hands on, so I don’t think I’ll be able to write a memoir about the books I love. Instead, I’ll blog about the first book I remember reading that ripped my guts out. This book was Toby Tyler, Or Ten Weeks with a Circus, written by James Otis.

As many of you know, I was born and raised in a violent religious cult in a small town in East Texas. Because my toady of a father, who was also a brute, worked for the cult as a teacher at both its unaccredited first-through-twelfth grades Imperial School and its equally unaccredited Ambassador College, he didn’t bring in a lot of money. While the cult’s leader made sure he and his cronies partook of all the money they could wheedle out of their deluded followers, lower-echelon workers like my father didn’t always get paid. Because my angry, vengeful mother stayed home, as all mothers were instructed to do as they must not offend God, she brought in no money, either. She spent her forced mommy time taking out her anger at being locked up in crappy rent homes on me and my younger brother.

Because there was seldom enough money to buy food and keep the lights on, Dad took to gardening and Mom would can whatever vegetables he grew. Any books in the house were either textbooks Dad brought home from Imperial or Ambassador, or they were hand-me-down books other cult parents had given to our family after their kids were no longer interested in them.

This is how I got my hands on Toby Tyler, which tells the story of a ten-year-old orphan who runs away from a horrid foster home to join a traveling circus. Toby thought the circus would be magical and was willing to work hard in the circus so that he could have a home away from the one he considered hell.

I hated circuses. After my father bought a small black-and-white TV when I was almost six, I remember turning my head away whenever a movie or show included a circus scene. Once, a small-time circus came to a nearby town and when my parents decided to go, they were more than a little peeved that they’d spent money on a ticket for a daughter who either closed her eyes or looked away from the circus, so as not to see the horror that everyone else found so enchanting.

Therefore, when I read the synopsis on the back cover of Toby Tyler, I wasn’t sure I’d like the book. But, living in a world of violence, I was down with Toby’s deep desire to run away. I would lie in bed at night and dream about being magically whisked away from my prison in a cult in a tiny, hot, humid, regressive town in Texas. And let’s face it, beggars can’t be choosy about the books they read, especially when they’re young girls being beaten on a daily basis, with a few extra whoopings thrown in because her father believed the cult leader when he preached that women would always lead men astray, unless they were kept close at hand by either their fathers or their husbands. After all, we had vaginas. More dangerous than the atomic bomb. So, I decided to read Toby Tyler.

At first, everything at the circus seemed fine to Toby. He earned money selling popcorn and lemonade and becomes best friends with a chimpanzee named Mr. Stubbs. But soon, Toby learns that his new employer, the man who runs the circus, is a cruel tyrant and Toby finds himself the victim of innumerable beatings. Again, I could relate as not only did my parents beat me daily, especially Dad, but when I got to Imperial School, I got beatings constantly through the first three years of school. In the fourth grade, I managed to get hit only once and after a nice fifth-grade teacher not only didn’t hit me, but was nice to me, I thought things had changed.

But I soon found out that my too-short-of-a-fifth-grade year was an aberration when I reached sixth grade and found myself the target of an angry misogynist who said that I needed to be “brought down a peg or two because I was too smart for a girl.”

Just like Toby, I had been lulled into thinking things had gotten better. I had even had a few laughs in fifth grade, just like Toby did with some of the people in the circus. Toby even got to be a hero when he rescued some of the circus animals after they accidentally get loose. All the stray kitties I had brought home found their death at the hands of my father.

Toby finally realizes that he needs to run away from the circus just as he ran to the circus for escape. I knew that feeling, as well, but was also wise enough to know that as a young girl, I had nowhere to run. So I calmed myself by hiding in the pages of book, just as I was doing while reading Toby Tyler. Somehow I’d imagined a happy ending. So, I was stunned when the story tells of the owner of the circus trying to shoot Toby while he was running away with his beloved Mr. Stubbs. However, it was not Toby that found himself dead. It was Mr. Stubbs, Toby’s best friend.

To this day, decades later, I can remember bursting into tears and sobbing. I kept re-reading the part where Mr. Stubbs died, hoping I’d misread what had happened, but I hadn’t. I was so upset, I couldn’t finish the book (I would finish it later). At that time, all I could do was just lie on my bed, all curled up, crying and crying, not sure if I was crying more for Toby and Mr. Stubbs or myself.

Other books have made me cry since that first Mr. Stubbs sob out, but I’ll talk about them in future blogs. In fact, I’ll talk about a lot of books in my blogs. I hope you join me.

Do you remember the first book that made you cry?

Thanks, White Women!

December 14, 2017 | Leave a Comment

I’ve been a fan of Hillary Clinton for decades. At first, when the Right began smearing her with one lie after another, I just assumed it was the usual politics at play. But, over time, as I watched many from the Left lie about her as well, long before Bernie Sanders and his whiner base went out of their way to destroy her during the 2016 Democratic primary, I realized that this Hillary Hate had been planted in the toxic soil of misogyny. And this misogyny knew no political side.

I then assumed that the misogyny was born out of men’s jealousy of Hillary’s many accomplishments. We all know that she was First Lady of the State of Arkansas and later, First Lady of the United States. She then served as the junior Senator of New York from 2001 to 2009 and became the 67^th United States Secretary of State, serving from 2009 to 2013.

But you might not know about all of Hillary’s other accomplishments. In college, she was the first-ever student commencement speaker at Wellesley and became a Distinguished graduate of Yale Law School, where she worked on the Editorial board of the Yale Law Review of Law and Social Action. Hillary worked on Senator Walter Monday’s Subcommittee on Migratory Labor and co-founded the Arkansas Advocates for Children’s and Families and was a staff attorney for the Children’s Defense Fund.

Hillary was the first woman chair of the Legal Services Corporation and the first woman partner at the Rose Law Firm. She has worked as both an attorney and has taught law, being twice listed by the National Law Journal as one of the hundred most influential lawyers in America. As First Lady of Arkansas and Senator of New York, Hillary created the Arkansas Home Instruction Program for Preschool Youth, led a Task Force to improve education, promoted nationwide immunization against childhood illnesses, and served on five Senate Committees: Budget; Armed Services; Environment and Public Works, Health, Education, Labor and Pensions; and a Special Committee on Aging. As Senator, she also helped secure $21.4 billion in funding for the World Trade Center redevelopment and investigated health issues faced by 9/11 first responders, getting them the care and financial support needed.

As Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton brokered a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas and became the most traveled Secretary of State ever. She visited 112 countries, traveling 956,722 miles, which means that she traveled enough miles to span the globe 38 times. Talk about frequent-flier miles.

As if these accomplishments weren’t enough, Hillary is the first ex First Lady of the United States to hold a postgraduate degree, to be elected to the Senate (and re-elected), and to be appointed Secretary of State. Hillary is also an author and a Grammy winner. When people try to slam her and say that she has no experience, as both people on the Right and Left have done, I feel the same way that Hillary did while facing Republican bastards for 11 hours during a House Benghazi hearing, short on facts and long on stupidity:

I agree with President Obama when he said that Hillary Clinton was the “most qualified presidential candidate ever.”

So, why is she not our 45^th President? For now, I’ll leave the possible collusion between Trump and Russia aside (even though I truly do believe that Russia stole the election for Trump) and I’ll focus, instead, on those who voted against Hillary. Of course, I expected Republicans and Libertarians to either vote for Trump or the Libertarian candidate, Gary Johnson. And, I suspected a large number of Bernie supporters would vote for Jill Stein. Sadly, I expected many Bernie supporters would vote for Trump, so I wasn’t surprised to find out that 12% did just this.

But, what truly surprised me and just made me want to stand outside and yell and curse ‘til the end of time was finding out that 53% of white women voted for Trump. I expected older white women and less-educated white women who considered themselves Republican to vote for Trump (or Johnson). But, I thought that a small percentage of college-educated women who consider themselves either Republican or Independent would vote for a highly intelligent, well educated, extremely accomplished Hillary Clinton over a lying, racist, xenophobic, pussy-grabbing idiot. Ha! My bad, thinking that white supremacy might have had a tiny dent put in it over the past 400+ years.

As Sarah Ruiz-Grossman wrote in HuffPo, “Fellow white women, I’m done with you.” I feel the same way.

In an article for Slate, LV Anderson asks “What leads a woman to vote for a man who has made it very clear that he believes she is subhuman? Self-loathing. Hypocrisy. And, of course, a racist view of the world that privileges white supremacy over every other issue.”

Many said that Ivanka Trump would help ameliorate the horror that is her father. While I’ve never been a fan, I was willing to give her a chance, even though I suspected she would do nothing to help. Not only has she done nothing, but she has actually helped her father destroy the good that President Obama set in place, and not only for women. I’ll talk about the hate that Trump and his criminal family has shown to others besides women in future blogs.

Recently, Ivanka made it known that she agrees with her father rolling back the policy that Obama put into place that closes the gender gap in pay. Wow! Quite the feminist, aren’t you, Ivanka? What did Ivanka do when her father declared a new policy that prevents transgender people from joining the military and forbids those in the military from serving or receiving trans-related medical care? Did she rage about her father’s presidency? Did she try to get him to pull his horrible policy? Nope! Nothing so authoritative! She tweeted that she respected the LGBTQI community, but what does a hollow tweet do? Nothing, except enrage people.

Just a few years ago, Ivanka’s business did not offer paid maternity leave. She told workers that she was always back at work within a week of having her children, so she expected the same from them. Yeah, like everyone has the paid staff to help them with their babies the way Ivanka does. Before becoming First Daughter, Ivanka instituted a new maternity-leave policy in her business that gave women paid time off. But why did it take years for this to happen? Was this done only because her father was running for Presidents and the optics needed to change? No matter what Ivanka says, far too often, if not always, she supports her father in his odious beliefs. Climate change is a perfect example. Her father claims is a hoax created by the Chinese. Ivanka says she wants to be a fighter for the climate. But, does she take action? No! She supports her father.

I guess Ivanka is just one of many highly educated white women who doesn’t give a damn about the patriarchy or all the ugliness it creates. Guess she doesn’t have to care as she’s quite wealthy and beautiful. Why did the other white women who voted for Trump not care about what he would do to the country and all of us who aren’t wealthy (beauty be damned)? I suspect the answer lies firmly rooted in white supremacy.

I’ve always known that white supremacy lay at the core of this country and was the fire that fueled far too many of its people. I’ve heard white people who call themselves liberals use the n word and make derogatory comments about Latinx people. I’ve had one too many white person start a sentence with “I’m not racist, but…” and I don’t think I need to detail the racism of the Right, from the various white supremacists groups to the always-present and always-nauseating Grand Old Party. Yet, despite my being aware of the deep and prevalent racism in this country, I still wanted to believe that a few more white people were on the side of justice than not. I now know that I need to be suspect of every white person I meet until they can prove themselves worthy to claim my time.

As for the white women who voted for Hillary Clinton, I am forever grateful. We are sisters and together with our sisters of color and our lesbian and trans sisters, we will fight and resist the horror that is the illegitimate Trump Presidency. But, to those white women who voted for a third-party candidate, didn’t vote, wrote in Harambe’s name, or voted for Donald Trump, you can suck my dick! Towanda!

What do you think of white women who didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton?

What’s Wrong with Women Writers?

December 14, 2017 | Leave a Comment

The past few years, I’ve found myself stumbling across articles discussing whether women write novels as intellectually disciplined as those men create. Too often, women authors seemed to be dismissed. We’re described as writing books that are too confessional or emotional. Or worse, we’re relegated to being purveyors of chick lit.

This term has been used in a derogatory way since its inception in the early ‘90s. I must confess I never thought much about the term. Just figured it was another way for men to dismiss us. Chick lit is defined as literature that appeals mainly to women.

But, what does this mean? The description infers that women readers are a monolith, each of us tending to like the same types of books. But, do we? As a woman, I read sci fi and fantasy, mysteries—from espionage to gothic novels to mysteries that include offbeat characters, like a librarian who is also a witch. I devour books about history and politics and I adore autobiographies and biographies written by and about all kinds of people, from painters to musicians to politicians and queens.

But, do all male writers create books considered to be high art? No! Nor, should they. There’s a place for all kinds of books. But, we don’t automatically call sci fi or crime novels rooster lit when they’re written by men, do we?

My memoir, Shake That Cream, describes what it was like to grow up in an insular society, where men ruled as human creations of God and nothing was as awful or sinful as a woman, except—perhaps—a little girl. Especially one with a mind of her own and a tongue incapable of being quiet at all the wrong times. Would this book be considered chick lit?

When Mark Twain advised “write what you know,” I suspect many writers took his advice seriously, be we women or men. Most writers discuss topics familiar to them, or they write about what fascinates them. I’d be hard-pressed to write about wealthy society folks, considering the closest I’ve come to any of these people are those I’ve seen on TV, nor do I have any interest in knowing them. I write about what I know—what it was like to be raised amongst violent, sexist, racist people; what is was like to survive a religious cult; what it’s like to be a single mom; a single working woman; a woman writer and poet; a woman who loves lipstick; a women with a penchant for cats and red wine; a woman. However, does my writing about what I know weaken my work because it doesn’t include a sociopathic, male, British crime-solver or a sixteen-year-old boy who gets kicked out of prep school and then from a psychiatric hospital all because he doesn’t want to face reality?

When researched who was the first-known woman writer, I was surprised to find that this woman is also considered to be the first writer, period. I’m talking about the Sumerian poet and writer, Enheduanna (2285 BCE-2250 BCE), born to King Sargon and Queen Tashlutum. So, if the first writer is acknowledged to be a woman, why have women writers been treated in such a dismissive way over time? Sadly, the answer seems to be nothing more astonishing than everyday sexism.

About a year ago, the Guardian posted a piece in which writer, Catherine Nichols, tells how when she queried her novel under her actual name, she got only a few responses from literary agents. Yet, when she sent out the same novel, with the same query letter, the only difference being she sent all this out under a male name, she received eight times more responses than she did contacting agents as a writer named Catherine.

When Nichols received replies to Catherine, she was told her writing was “beautiful,” but that her main character—a woman—wasn’t very “plucky.” As a man, the compliments were larger in number. Even her rejections were kind, with phrases like “clever” and “well-constructed” being used to describe the book.

In 1998, Francine Prose wrote an explosive essay, Scent of a Woman’s Ink, in which she discussed how sexism affected women writers in a negative way. Prose was forced to revisit this topic again in 2011, after VS Naipaul stated that no woman writer, including Jane Austen, was his equal.

I’ve often joked with my daughter and girlfriends that it must be nice to be as confident as some of the men we encounter at work or school or in our everyday lives—men who are not at all extraordinary, but are absolutely convinced they are immensely smarter than we women, hampered with our vaginas and all. I think Naipaul more than proved Prose’s critique to be accurate.

I guess it should come as no surprise that the literary world treats male writers with more respect and affection. And it’s not just the male writers getting the accolades. Books that feature male protagonists are more likely to win literary awards. Because of this, the novelist Kamila Shamsie has suggested that 2018 be the year only women writers get published.

While women writers get overlooked and dismissed too easily, because it seems that writing chick lit is the worst thing a woman writer can do, I decided to find out exactly what books comprise chick lit and found a Chick Lit Fan Club. This club’s website lists its top 100 picks for the chick lit books women love. Not surprisingly, Bridget Jones’s Diary made the Number One spot. However, I admit to being a bit surprised to find Waiting to Exhale on this list, as well. I’ve always regarded that book and its subsequent movie to be about strong, talented women, who just happened to get involved with men along the way. I never viewed it as being a book about women looking for men. And while I’ve not read In Her Shoes, the movie is funny and wonderfully touching, showing how two sisters bridge their differences and their painful childhood and come together as best friends. The man part is secondary to the story.

This is not to say that there’s anything wrong with books that include women looking for men. I’ve not read Bridget Jones’s Diary, but my daughter tells me it’s funnier than the movie, and I adore the movie. I don’t find myself gravitating towards modern books that center around romance, but some of the classics, like Pride and Prejudice describe multiple romances, and I have to admit to being a Jane Austen fan (despite VS Naipaul’s dismissal of her writing). So, maybe we need to look more closely at whether a woman author has written a book that is interesting and well-written and disabuse this notion that men are the superior writers.

After all, there’s nothing wrong with women writers!

What Does the I in LGBTQI Mean?

December 14, 2017 | Leave a Comment

The UN Office of the High Commission for Human Rights describes Intersex people as being those born with one of several variations in sex characteristics that do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies. These variations affect chromosomes, gonads, hormones, or genitals. Some Intersex traits are not always visible at birth; some babies may be born with ambiguous genitals, while others may have ambiguous internal organs (testes and ovaries). Others will not become aware that they are Intersex unless they receive genetic testing, because it does not manifest in their phenotype.

Intersex people were previously referred to as hermaphrodites, congenital eunuchs, or were even called “congenitally” frigid. None of these names are medically appropriate and they all carried a stigma. In 2006, the medical community defined Intersex traits as being “disorders of sex development,” which has been controversial as its name implies something being wrong. Nothing is wrong. Intersex people are just born with bodies anatomically different than what we have typically defined as male or female.

Intersex Flag

Sadly, Intersex people have been discriminated against for thousands of years, and even in today’s more advanced world, Intersex people are quite often treated with fear or scorn. In some countries, if an Intersex person is identified as such while young, it’s not unheard of for infanticide to occur. Abandonment and stigmatization of families into whom the Intersex person is born is common, even in more industrialized countries like the United States.

Traditional medical protocol for treating Intersex individuals has largely centered on surgical and hormonal interventions in infancy and childhood as a means of enforcing an assigned gender identity to Intersex people. The medical community has operated on an assumption that unstable gender identity leads to trauma. However, research and personal narratives from Intersex individuals indicate that standard treatment of Intersex people within the medical community is instead correlated to trauma and the development of negative psychosocial outcomes.

Psychological research has recently begun to explore the issues Intersex people face and offers information key to treating these specific issues in a therapeutic environment. Today, more support exists for Intersex people. But, a lot of stigma and fear still surround them. However, Intersex people are standing up for themselves and demanding that they be treated with dignity and respect, just like any other person.

In 2011, Christiane Völling became the first Intersex person to successfully sue for damages for non-consensual surgical intervention. Too often, doctors have told the parents of Intersex people that it’s best to assign a gender identity to the child while they are young. The problem with this approach, though, is that children might be assigned one gender, but then grow up to feel like they’re actually the other gender. In April 2015, the country of Malta became the first country to outlaw non-consensual medical interventions to assign sexual identity.

Christiane Völling

In January of this year, Hanne Gaby Odiele, a 28-year-old Belgium supermodel, spoke out about her gender identity to Vogue. She said, “It was important for me to make this declaration now, based on where I am in my life. I want to live authentically as who I am and help to break down the stigma that Intersex persons face ― but also to use the profile that I’ve built through modeling to give back to those without a voice. I want to be there for people who are struggling, to tell them it’s OK,” she added. “It’s one part of you, but it’s not who you are.”

Click here to watch her interview, as replayed by The Huffington Post and read about Hanne’s decision to come out as Intersex.

While religion often denigrates anyone in the LGBTQI community, some religious scholars have at least acknowledged Intersex people, even if in a limited way. Hinduism refers to Intersex people as being hijra, while Judaism discusses Intersex people, calling them androginus. Islam still uses the outdated term of hermaphrodite, but does state that these people should be awarded the same rights as people who are not born with variants in their sexual anatomy. While religion might not be where it should with regard to supporting and protecting Intersex people, scholars of many religions are discussing what it means to be Intersex. Hopefully these discussions will advance into figuring out how to be welcoming to all Intersex people.

Society in general has not been at the forefront of supporting Intersex people. Many sports figures, such as Erik Schinegger and Caster Semenya, were either forced to give back their medals or were subjected to medical inspection before being allowed to continue with their sports careers. All countries still have a lot to learn about Intersex people and how to bring them into mainstream society versus denigrating them as something akin to a side show at the circus.

The entertainment world functions no better than the sports world. Intersex people do not regularly appear in books, movies, or TV. From 2014-2015, MTV aired a show called Faking It, which had an Intersex character named Lauren Cooper. Middlesex is a novel about an Intersex man and the Micah Grey series of books includes a main character that is Intersex. Two other books, That Inevitable Victorian Thing and None of the Above both tell about girls who find out that they are Intersex and how they deal with it and those around them.

While Intersex people still face a lot of misunderstanding and derision, they are our brothers and sisters and friends and co-workers, and they are a part of our human world. No one knows exactly how many Intersex people exist today, but scientists estimate that they might be about 1.7 percent of the world’s population. No matter the numbers, they are a part of our lives and demand our love and respect.

You can learn more about Intersex Youth by going to the Interact Advocates website. The Intersex Society of North America is another organization that works toward offering factual information regarding what it means to be Intersex, while also providing information about what we can all do to support our Intersex family.

Two days of the calendar are devoted to helping bring awareness about Intersex people to society at large. October 26^th in Intersex Awareness Day and November 8^th is the Intersex Day of Remembrance. Both days are internationally recognized and observed.

Intersex Awareness Day highlights human rights issues faced by Intersex people in North American. On October 26, 1966, Intersex activist showed up at an American Academy of Pediatrics event in Boston and peacefully demonstrated for their rights. Originally, the activists were not going to demonstrate, as two demonstrators, Morgan Holmes and Max Beck, were supposed to speak at the event. However, when they were met with hostility and were escorted out of the conference, a later demonstration occurred.

Intersex Day of Remembrance is also known as Intersex Solidarity Day. Like Intersex Awareness Day, Intersex Day of Remembrance occurs to show us all about the issues Intersex people face daily. The date for this event marks the birthday of Herculine Barbin, a French Intersex person whose memoirs were published some time after they were found.

Let’s work together to support Intersex people. Welcome them into our lives and let them know we are truly family.